What’s in the book?

Screwproof contains a set of thinking tools that will help you tune-up your deal making skills, plus supporting chapters that explain the basic mechanics of interpersonal relationships and why they create bad deals. Basically, it gives you a handle on why people rip off perfect strangers, how our expectations are built upon emotional reactions and aren’t logical, how we see opportunities where there aren’t any.

It also explains how to deal with problems, threats, lawyers and bullshit.


Contents, snippets & downloadable sample chapters…

    • Chapter 1: Read this first, preferably before you buy the book. Nobody ever really gets screwed, we make bad choices because they feel the same as good choices, in the same way a kitten and a big rat feel similar with your eyes closed…
      download chapter as PDF or read online at Scribd.com


    • Chapter 2: Life is all about screwing up. You can’t control the flow of events in the universe, but when life sucks, somehow it’s partly your own fault.



    • Chapter 4: Understanding the process. It doesn’t matter how much porn you watch, until you actually have sex, you’re still a virgin. Being mentally prepared is one thing, getting physical is quite another.


    • Chapter 5: Brain prep #1: Where do screwings come from? Humans are complex social creatures. A policeman is a welcome sight when you’re being mugged, less so when you’re smoking a fatty with a hot chick in your mum’s car.


    • Chapter 6: Brain prep #2: Screwing people is an evolutionary thing. If you meet someone who thinks life is a game, remember they’ll rip off your head and piss down your neck to win it. Getting your head ripped off and being pissed on doesn’t make you a loser, just a bad judge of character.


    • Chapter 7: Brain prep #3: You can’t work with everyone. Thinking every opportunity in life is a chance to succeed is like thinking every party is worth a hangover, or every burger is worth the cholesterol.


    • Chapter 8: WARNING: THINKING TOOLS REQUIRE THINKING. Remember things you learn from books are less important than your own life experience, in the same way a pair of shoes is less important than having feet to wear them.


    • Chapter 9: The “Sandwich Guy” test. People tell you everything you need to know about themselves without realising they’re doing it. The amount they tell you is inversely proportional to how much they give a shit what you think.


    • Chapter 10: Rule #1: There’s no favours in negotiations. If someone tells you that a deal is a great opportunity, they’re assuming you’re too fucking dumb to work that out for yourself. It tells you nothing about the opportunity, but speaks volumes about the person you’re dealing with.


    • Chapter 11: Rule #2: You can’t trade something you don’t already own. If you give me the shirt off your back now, I’ll buy you a whole new wardrobe next week. My tarot cards say it’s a slam dunk…


    • Chapter 12: Rule #3: You’ve got to love talking about the money. The best things in life are free, except for stuff you really rely on like crash helmets and laser eye surgery. And the tanks they keep poisonous snakes in. And underwear. Free underwear is dreadful.


    • Chapter 13: Rule #4: If it doesn’t make sense, it’s because they’re not explaining it right. “Don’t worry about a thing, after the sex change operation you’ll be back to normal in no time”


    • Chapter 14: Rule #5: No surprises. “Good news, I’ve booked your favourite restaurant for our romantic Valentine’s Day dinner. My mother is really pleased we managed to get a table for her as well, given the fact she’s got Tourette’s syndrome….”


    • Chapter 15: The “Bad Waiter” test. They say “A man who marries his mistress is creating a vacancy” but maybe a mistress marries her lover so she can get a bigger office and more evenings off.


    • Chapter 16: What to do when things go wrong. When the shit hits the fan, opening an umbrella indoors is a good idea. Even if it brings you bad luck, it can’t be worse than getting covered in shit.


    • Chapter 17: What NOT to do when things go wrong. “You’ve interfered with my plans for the last time Mr. Bond, I will now kill you with a convoluted scheme that gives you ample opportunity to escape and eventually defeat me”


    • Chapter 18: Be prepared to meet your negotiation nemesis. “I met that Hitler guy for dinner last week and seemed really nice, he even said he was planning to come for a visit” Polish Prime Minster Slawoj-Skladkowski, Dec. 1938.


    • Chapter 19: Advanced Screwproofing: Meta-negotiation. If you live next door to a serial killer, the fact they don’t have loud parties and always put their bin bags out on the right day doesn’t mean they’re a good neighbour.


    • Chapter 20: The Zen lessons of Screwproofing. On your journey through life, remember this: Looking back at your life is important, but if you don’t want to walk into a lamppost, looking forwards is a necessity.
      download chapter as PDF or read online at Scribd.com


    • Chapter 21: Unlocking the special bonus Golden Rule – “Panic and you’re fucked”. There comes a time in everyone’s life when pondering the infinite possibilities of the cosmos gives way to the realisation you either take a piss before the movie starts, or you’ll need one before the end.

That’s it – download the free chapters and see what you think. The whole book is better – and you can get it on Kindle, Smashwords (or e-readers) or download it for Scrib.d for just £5.97 / $9.99